The Journey

Howdy there. Fraggle here. Duh.

Always me. This is my blog after all.

I finally have the blogs back on track. Sort of. I need to write the hope proclamation tomorrow. That's gonna be a long one. Lots of quotes and citations necessary for that one. Have to argue Fracture's case and such. You need a pretty good argument to suddenly try to change all the rules at once.

It'll be interesting to see how that plays out.

So much writing to do. So very lazy.

Been having a hard time focusing as of late. YouTube has been a pretty big distraction. I might need to cut down on my intake. I'm clearly watching far too much shit.

And that's after I cut down  once before too. Serious compulsion issues...

Really ought to teach myself self control one of these days.

Also be getting these... flashes?

I don't know. Its weird. I'll be doing something and suddenly a painful memory will spring to mind.

Mind you, its not painful like being beaten or something. Its just a moment in my life that I reflect on and know that I did or said the wrong thing. I should have been better. I should have said better. Instances when I should have just been an all around better person.

I wonder if that's what they actually mean when they say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die? Does your life just adopt a slideshow esque quality in its final stride. Like that last episode to so many TV shows. Am I dying?

Its funny to think, that I have so many shit memories. So many wrongs. Its impossible to forget that at my core, I'm a bad person. That I did these things. Like everyone else. Just another self centered animal looking out for number one.

And it occurs to me, that I like where I am in life. I like all that I've seen and learned and who I became as a result of my journey. I'm happy. This is a good place. I have everything I could ever want and I do everything I want to do.

Truly, I am privileged and I wouldn't change a foot of my life story. I would not want to risk all that I have. I made it. I got to be me.

Its really just they journey I regret. I took the low road to a high destination.

But I just feel like such shit when those sudden rushes of reminders hit. As minute and insignificant as the impact of all the mistakes and wrongs I've done truly is, those moments still hurt and haunt me. Little shit but it sticks.

They say its not about the destination. Its about the Journey. I feel like I've arrived. I've already fucked up the journey. I've just lost. There's no fixing it. Its done and over.

But its hardly something to complain about I guess.

Who wouldn't take a loss for their personal paradise? Lose to live the life you want to have. Pretty good deal. Whats a handful of uncomfortable gut wrenching moments of unfixable regret when you get to spend the rest of the day in bliss?

Annoying. I've got it good.

Just need to stop bitching about it.

Funny. Nothing is ever good enough. Give someone paradise and they just keep bitching.

Ever the self centered animal. Feed me more.

Slowing Down

Blogging is haaaaaaard.

Again. I'm gonna keep saying that forever.

So, my blogs are going through a bit of a low down. Not for lack of ideas mind you. Not even for lack of time. This time around its over senseless integrity. But I'm about ready to let that integrity drop.

See, I need to end Wrath is Fathomless and make room for the next blog in the series. Issue is, I kind of had my heart set on involving others in the build up for the ending. So I was waiting to see if the Fight for the fire blog would pick up the ground and it hasn't and I suspect probably never will. Maybe later as a complement to the new Couriers but its pretty dead right now.

The other option was to have one of Shady's characters bring us to the end but shes been in such a funk lately and has been unwilling to role play out the situation. I have been having a hard time keeping her attention in general. Life is a thing after all. I tried asking to barrow the character in question but she insists on trying and I'm not sure what to do. Might just barrow her anyways at this rate.

And thats why Wrath is Fathomless has gone silent.

Wrath is Eternal has gone silent because Fracture is on loan to Nightscream. I know I have a lot of other characters that can post but I wouldn't really have a reason for them to post. Its easier to pump out a fluff post as Fracture. He more prone to senseless rambling.

So I'm all tied up all over the place. I need to just get this ending over with and be done with it.

Here's hoping it happens soon.

Fraggle out.

Blogging is haaaaaaard.

This third blog thing is a pain in the ass. I mean, I know I don't have to make posts and shit and that's kind of the beautiful thing about this blog but when I made this blog I was definitely intending to make some pretty regular posts and that just hasn't been happening.

To think I had been considering a third blog proper. Can you even imagine that? When I can barely handle free form writing at this simple level in this easy environment that no one will ever see.

Fuck, bitch, ass, cunt. I can't say whatever I want here and it won't matter.

It's like I'm a 10 year old home alone for the first time again. Must resist the urge to play with the stove...

In any event, that's enough sulking.

I made a post on Nat's blog recently as sloth detailing a dream I had in real life. Or, the light version of that dream. I stripped away all the details and shit and left the core archetype of the character intact to make it almost prophetic.

Now, in-hindsight, we'll be able to retroactively look at the path another character takes, probably an anti-hero, and say the dream predicted it.

I originally intended to have the dream match up with fracture but it doesn't like up terribly well. But it works with David Banks or Anstomy or whatever the fuck his name is.

Who knows, maybe it'll be Fracture like enough in time. And if nothing comes close enough, we can just ignore it. I didn't exactly declare it prophetic in the post itself so as far anyone  is concerned it could just be silly filler from a goofy character.

Hmmm... could sloth be dreaming about himself... thats got some curious potential.

In any event, I named the dream Fenrir on a whim because the story contained a giant wolf.

Without further delay, here is the original dream.

.....................

It started in a campground. I could see it from where I was and I knew I wasn't welcome there. What I was, was an unforgivable sin to the rest of the world. The only reason they would tolerate me being this close, was they needed me. The area around the facility had become hellish nest for all kinds of monsters. Man made monsters. Things almost as bad as myself. Many, worse than myself. They had escaped the facility. My doing. I spent five years locked up in that deathtrap. When I got out, I can back with a small army. I human rights group that, if we're being perfectly honest, has become something more of an eco-terrorist group after they met me.

We stormed the facility together and forced the SDF out, killing as many as we could. It was a bit of a blood bath for both sides. In my mad frenzy, I found myself ripping out and destroying every piece of electronics I came upon.

I must have triggered something unintentionally. When I smashed a particularly expensive looking Console, all the cages in the facility opened.

They things... they were more than we could handle.

We were forced to leave. Forced to let them escape as they fled the labs. Feeding on my friend, like animals. I sickens me to thing that most of those creature were human once.

We tried to warn the people of black lake, but they didn't listen. SDF survivors had gotten back first. They tried to arrest us for terrorism.

They stopped when a large eight legged frog plopped down on the cop holding us at gun point. Its long tongues ripping him up piece by piece and pulling in each piece one at a time.

We gunned it down.

The people listened then.

Following a joint effort by the BLPD, the SDF, and us, we forced the monsters out of town and set up a perimeter to keep them out.

This camp, was a result of us pushing them further into the woods. We'd cornered them in a cave. Now our job was the finish exterminating them.

By this point, the government had stepped in.

The S.I.N. division. Supernatural and Inhuman Neutralization division. They were the people that handed me over to the SDF.

Between the BLDP, SIN, and SDF, I was almost unanimously not allowed in their camp.

Nothing my friends, the White Coat Society, could do about it.

With SIN's involvement, we were forced to return the Facility to the SDF. Which was fine. We'd rigged that place up with over 100 cameras and enough explosions to put the basement on the top floor.

But that bastard was smug. Their leader liked to come around our part of camp and gloat. Sneer and poke and prod us. On the day before a major operation, one ambitious enough to end the threat all together, he came by and left without a word.

Then Jenny started violent coughing up wood chips. I found a hex bag in her pocket and threw it into the fire. She stopped coughing wood chips but the damage was done. She wouldn't ever talk again.

I was... furious.

That fucker. He was using the other camp leaders as a hostage. He always had one with him. He knew if I did anything against him, they would have me killed.

But I didn't care anymore. I snuck up to their tent... and I snapped all their necks.. what did it matter? They weren't the ones fighting. They were just assholes in a tent barking orders. We didn't need them. And this was worth it. I... started to eat them. Every last bite. Had to... make sure there was no evidence... couldn't get back to me. I was almost done with a troop of men came in to report their progress.

I... killed as many as I could but a few got away. And a man hunt for me started.

While they were out of camp looking for me, the camp got hit with a rush of monsters.

...No survives I'd come to find.

I hear those woods are still flush with creatures.

But that's been put on hold. The SDF is apparently taking care of it themselves now. Or they were. I hear their base blew up after they finished settling in. Guess not everyone died...

I'm on trial.

They're going to kill me.

They're going to TRY.

I'm BIGGER than them now. STRONGER. They're little apes. I'M a GOD to them.

When this trial is over, when they sentence me, I'LL EAT ALL OF THEM TOO FOR THEIR INSOLENCE.

And then I'll find Jenny and we'll clean up the for woods, once and for all.

Well shit. Blog.

I have been neglecting the shit out of this blog. Really, out of all blogging in general but this blog gets the worst of it. 19 days with no post would be completely unacceptable for any other blog. Kind makes me giddy to know that I can just choose not to write for this one for a little while because its just my personal blog and has no baring on the rest of my works.

Thats kind of the issue with a lot of my blogging style is it feeds back into itself so if one falls it all falls. That's why I had to drop the white coat special. When Fracture took over Duckie's blog there was no reason to post on it anymore. It didn't make sense to. I had Fracture take over Duckie's blog for purely practical reasons. Duckie's blog already had an audience. It was unreasonable to think I could get them all to just jump ship to a random blog I referenced once in the comments.

That was when I hit the other problem. Fracture's continuing story over shadowed Duckie's old story.

And that's why we have a button on 'Wrath is Eternal' labeled 'Duckie's Archive'. Because that's its own story and I want people to read it and I want them to be able to pick it a little easier.

But yeah. Nice not to have to deal with that kind of shit on this blog.

And as I am happy to enjoy my laziness in this blog, here is an old story.

This story inspired one of the new characters I've got coming into prominence soon.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Its called....

Betrayed

He stood before a dead man. The blood was slowly pooling and flowing to the center of the ring. He couldn't help but note that it flowed that much faster in the rain. He raised his spear in the air above his head, both in victory and so the sin of spilling that man's blood would wash from his spear and arm.

He heard his name cried out. He turned to face the women he never thought he would be so happy to see and let his spear drop to the floor. Running at him was his wife. Before he had a chance to say anything she tackled him to the floor and held onto him as tight as she probably could. Her eyes looked red and tired, like she had been crying for the entirety of that fight in fear for his safety. No words seemed appropriate but he wasn't sure if that was because of how over joyed he was or because he had learned just how little words really meant over the month of his ordeal, fighting for his life and freedom. He hugged her back as she started to ramble affectionate nothings of how happy she was and how proud she was.

He closed his eyes. He was just glad it was all over. Suddenly his eyes snapped open as he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He could feel his beloved stiffen. She had fallen silent and the expression on her face was a mix of surprise and terror. She fell back off of him as the life fled from her body. She was gone, forever. The space between them revealed the culprit, his spear. It had been thrust through her chest clear through her heart and stopped inches into his top rips.

Standing over his wife parallel to himself was his trainer; the man who taught him to fight, whose encouragement had kept him going, who had called him friend. He didn't need to ask why though. He knew why and turned his head to face the monster he had called master.

To his dismay his master was there and in his masters arms he held what little of the man's family survived, the man's daughter. It was clear to him that she wasn't his anymore. Her clothes were stained with blood and she had a knife clenched in her right hand. He hadn't been the only one fighting in this terrible blood sport.

"Our agreement...?" spoke the man trying to understand why this was happening.

"Yes, as promised you were the only one fighting for your freedom but she wasn't fighting for freedom. Were you dear?" he smiled at her. She smiled back and snuggled into his side.

The man felt his heart sink. His head dropped. He could feel deaths slow embrace creeping over him. He didn't snap out of his wallowing until he heard his master move closer. He looked up to his daughter being set on his shoulders.

"Say good bye to daddy ok sweetie?" cackled his master. His daughter spared no time in obeying. She wrapped her legs around his neck and pulled his head back by the hair so she could see his face. She stared deep into his eyes for a minute. Both of them knew they would never see each other again after this. All the while she was staring she had the back of her foot digging into the fresh wound in his chest.

Suddenly her expression changed from its cold empty look into something terrible and feral. She screamed as she started stabbing into her father's face. She showed no mercy or pity as she ripped open his cheek and gouged out one his eyes.

The man felt a smile creep across his face. As his world turned black and everything he once had continued to turn against him he clung to the only sentiment of comfort he could think of.

'She's going to do so well in the arenas' he thought to himself as everything faded.

'She's gonna make her mother so proud....'

Looked for Hope but there was None. Should have known, that was real dumb.

A little something different. I need to capture this rage before I come to terms with it.


-----------------------------

You know it feels different.

I've condemned a lot of people to death to save my own skin. At first, it was just this... need, to survive. And when I became a proxy, it became my job. But that was the same game when you really got down to it. I was pretending to be a runner, and I would lead real runners off to their deaths so I could remain a proxy and continue to enjoy my safe miserable existence.

But We-... she... I. I tried to connect with her. She was so angry. So alone. So desperate to find companionship with someone who wasn't a complete fucking shithead. Somehow, apparently, that was me.

I guess I wasn't the one who tried to connect with her. I didn't even realize she thought better of me than others... I found out when she pulled me to safety after Maggot stabbed me in the back.

She was crying. She was desperate and panicked. I could barely understand it. So much fuss over me. A man she had met once. A man would have just as easily have lead her into a volcano a day prior to that if it had been asked of me. A man who would not have stuck his neck out like that in a million year for someone else.

And as I traveled with her, I just... I kept asking why. I kept prodding her for answers to try to understand why she would do that for me of all people.

"Because you don't baby me, or think less of me. You're respectful. You're about the only person I know anymore whose anything like that... like him... like they were."

They. Those fuckers. The weak souls that had come before me. Those pitiful souls that kept dying on her.

And I understood that that was what she needed. Was someone. Not romantically. Really not even friend. Just a person who wasn't a shit head who she could have. Who would live.

And I knew I could do that. As Fracture likes to tell me, I'm a fucking cockroach. So I knew I could give her that. And if you can, and it costs you nothing, shouldn't you? You would think so wouldn't you?

But she was still so obsessed with 'they'. Them. Those fuckers.

To avenge one of them, she constantly insisted that David had to die. She was fucking obsessed. And she wouldn't fucking listen. She wanted to make sure she was the one to do it because someone else or time got him. David wasn't a young man after all. Time, as she saw it, was against her.

And even with my help, we both knew we couldn't do it. That we'd die trying.

And I just... when it came to that moment to march in with her and face death with her... I couldn't.

I just... fucking... couldn't.

I abandoned her and shes fucking gone. I should have been there...

And I felt, for the first time in a life time surrounded by death, loss.

I told myself, "Whats the point of surviving... if no one else is gonna make it to the end with you?"

And it just... It hurt. I felt like my stomach was trying to eat itself. My brain was on fire. I curled up into a ball on the floor and just... I cried. Dug my fingers into my stomach... prayed to god that it would just stop hurting... just... "No more."

And that was my week after that. I laid on the floor of my room, curled up into a ball, and marveled at myself that I had done to her what I always do to everyone. I left her to die.

And I just couldn't take it. I never wanted to feel this again. I held my gun up to the side of my head... I closed my eyes... prayed I was holding it right so it would actually be quick.

And then I curled back up on the floor and put the gun away, because I'm a weak piece of shit. Because of that, where she went... I can not follow.

If I didn't have the common decency to die, I might as well get back to work. So I got up and got to my desk... went about the forms and budgeting... those endless forms.

And as always, Fire Culties and Masks kept approaching me. They always had questions. Always needed help. Fucking teenagers. So young. Every little thing is a new disaster for them.

Such a waste of fucking time to help them. Bunch of revenge driven rage cunts ready to charge head long at their deaths if it would give them some semblance of the mindless vengeance they crave. Like her. And like her, they don't listen. They don't take the real advice they need. They won't let go. They'll change right off to that death every time and leave everything they know.

And it occurred to me I had come to the wrong conclusion before.

The question isn't:
"Whats the point of surviving... if no one else is gonna make it to the end with you."

It's:
"Whats the point of them... if they're always gonna die."

Fuck them. Fuck her. I should have bothered. I never shouldn't have bothered. I shouldn't be bothering now.

She was always gonna die. They are always gonna die. And then, it'll just be me. Over and over and over again.

And I knew this before. Its something I've always known. But I was touch by her. By their plight. By Fracture's constant fucking talk of hope. And I ignored what I knew to be true, on blind hope that things could be better like they all said.

But I was fucking right. There is no hope. There's no point is trying. They will always die. You, you all will die. You're all fucked.

And I'm done believing otherwise.

I'm gonna go back to doing the only thing I can do. Working. Surviving.

Watching everyone else die, slowly.

Its... its all I can do...

I won't forget that again.

Today's Highlight: Commenting

So immediately following the last post, because I've been more actively sharing this with Ms. Tessa than anyone else right now, Ms. Tessa wanted to post a comment.

And that made me feel uncomfortable because I was pretty sure she'd just drop a comment as her self using an in-character account. So I told her to wait off on it until I made my next post because I wanted to set some commenting rules.

And thus here they are:

1. All comments made with in-character accounts must be made in character. So if I was say, Konaa's writer and I commented using Konaa's in-character account (I have no idea why I keep picking on Konaa.) then that comment would need to be made from that character's perspective as if they were seeing it as themselves still very much involved with whatever is going on with konaa in his story at that time.

2. To comment as an Author you need to have your own Author specific account just for you.

3. As an alternative to all that time and effort you would otherwise spend making a blogger account specifically for your author persona (Because believe me, my real name isn't Fraggle.), you can comment anonymously or use the Name/URL option.

To make these rules immediately visible to anyone jumping in on this later, I've added a note to the side bar of the blog so these rules will be visible on every single page of the blog.

I also added the blog list app to show off my work, because its awesome.

...





So moving on, new post on Wrath is Eternal. And yes, I'm gonna plug every single post I make as part of a post on here every time I post somewhere.

If I can't plug in the safety of my own Mod Blog, where can I plug?

...




Speaking of topic transitions, Mod Blogs. That's what this is. A Mod Blog. Its a concept I got from Tumblr. The ARGs on Tumblr usually have a link to what is labeled 'Mod'. And when you click it it takes you to the author of that ARGs' hub page where he talks about personal news, game updates, takes commissions, shares thoughts, and is ultimately just him being himself.

Mod accounts also usually have links to all of the Author's projects and to other authors whose work hes interconnected to. So on Tumblr if you like an author, you can just follow him to his hub and then to his other works assuming they have any.

So that's part of what this blog is about. Trying to figure out how that can work for the Slenderverse on Blogger. We can't exactly do it just like they do it on tumblr. Immersion is usually highly valued in the verse so links that lead off to a site where you can read that the blog is a lie is probably a big no no.

But we'll figure it out eventually... probably.

...




MORE TOPICS. So I had my last post looked over by FreedomCaged. My post was his first run in with the concept of the 'Denizens'.

He had this to say:

"I really do like those later descriptions of the denizens.
Detailed enough to be creepy and horrific, but still fast and leaving plenty to the imagination, also with the implication that there really is no theme or consistency, which is disturbing all by itself.."

Which is great because he would be the first person I got feedback from on the Denizens without my having explained what they were ahead of time.

So naturally, I ruined that with this explanation:

"I didn't actually name them that, but its kind of catchy so I've stuck with it.
I don't know what other writers have done with the denizens since I introduced them but the denizens are supposed to be deformed humans that have been mutated like that from over exposure to the path.

Those mutations are supposed to be random with heavy influences from elements of nature.
All of which came from an effort to make the path less safe for proxies. Even to the servants, no domain should ever be safe."

Now, I bring all this up because if I have one regret with the denizen's its the failure of their use to deter proxies from pathing.... at least best I can tell.

I'm not all seeing and I don't follow a lot of the new blogs so I can't know for sure, but from what I've seen Authors have been acknowledging the existence of the denizens and then writing them to not attack their proxies. (Usually as a note to how cool their proxies are or because their already established lore and/or history can't take the path being an unsafe place to visit.) I know its not my place to try to control how writers hand things but I kind of wish they just didn't acknowledge the denizens if they were gonna make them a non-issue.

But again, not my place to impose on someone else's creative vision. If I don't like it, its on me to ignore it.

And I can't even say for sure that the Denizens are entirely mine. I had not seen them anywhere else before I brought them up on one of my post... but that could be a coincidence.

....





I'm thinking I'm gonna explain some of the other elements I've tried to introduce to the verse in my next post. Usually the biggest problem with things I add is I can't outright explain them and then I forget about them.

It would probably be a good idea to get them all down on here

Fraggle out.

Because Fuck Your Eyes

Why hello there! Guess who? Fraggle, that's who!

                                                                  ^
                                    See this right here, Konna? I know how to use Comas. I simply choose not to!

: P

So yeah. New Fraggle blog. This time, my personal blog to put all my thoughts and musing into that don't quite make the other blogs. Or, at least don't make it onto a blog in their full capacity. 

                                                                                                                                        ^

                                                                                          Turns out I didn't know how to spell capacity. 

                                                                                          I had to Google it.

And because this is a Fraggle blog, I went with a black background and white text. AGAIN. Suck it.

Apparently that contrast fucks with people. I actually really like it. It makes my words pop. I kind of have a whole 'light shining in the darkness' thing going. Sort of. Maybe. I don't know that that really comes through properly on my other blogs....

...hmmm.

Filler, filler, filler.

There we go.  That should be enough space to reorient yourself.

Doing this...

...while cool, really fucks with the eyes if you don't...

...space it right.

Filler, filler, filler.

Maybe I'm using too many spaces in these examples but I'm just trying to illiterate the point. You need more spaces/empty-lines to break up the ends of those transitions if you're gonna do that or the flow of words gets hard to follow. 

...

So... that's the quality of rambling you can expect here.

I find I often suddenly break into one topic after another with no transition if I don't sit down and plan things so there will probably be a fair share of that here.

It might just be extra bad on this post. I'm writing this as more a place holder so I can see what the blog is gonna look like with a post here. Seeing that is kind of important from a design aspect....

Ellipses! I will abuse the shit out of ellipses... I LOVE them.   ;-;

As an aside, I originally wrote this with every intent to include little notes-

                                                                                      ^

                                                                                   Like this

-in the post for every spelling or grammar correction made when I re-read this for proofing.

After I found more than 10 errors in about 4 sentences I decided to cut that. Seemed incredibly impractical. Especially when there was then a chance to have an error in the note denoting where an error had been.

Note-ception.

I'm really shit at writing. My spelling and grammar are horrendous.

As a final aside to end all asides... in this particular post at least... ellipses... 

I'm not sure how I want to advertise this blog yet. I don't know who I want seeing it. I've contemplated having this account comment on In-Character blogs but that seems rude. I've contemplated connecting a link to this blog from my other blogs but immersion is a trait very highly valued in some circles of the slenderverse and I'd hate to needlessly irritate any of my readers. Lord knows they're a rare commodity these days.

Ms. Tessa thinks I should just drop a link(test) in my own writing circles' group chat but I'm not sure about that either.

Its a tough one. I'm sure I'll figure something out though.

I always do... usually... ellipses.

Fraggle out! Be well.